Today was a bad day. Yep, they still happen to me, and I think it's important for me to share that. From the outside looking in, people only see what I choose to share. Yes, I love my jobs, and I have a great life. Wear Your Label has been one of the best things to happen to me in my undergraduate degree. I love where I am heading. I love that I found my voice. And, on most days, I love the person I am becoming. If you had asked me a year ago what my good days would look like, I never would have pictured the ones I have now. Because my "bad" days now were my "good" days then. I often post (what I hope to be) motivational and positive social media posts, but I think I need to show the other "real" side of me too: the person I am on the bad days.
I am not always a positive person. On my bad days, the inside of my head is a battlefield. My thoughts get super self-deprecating, and I sit in my room terrified of talking to anyone because it feels like just by talking to them I am going to be a burden. And while I know that these thoughts aren't "real", on my bad days, they are hard to fight. This afternoon turned into one of those afternoons. I curled up into a ball on my bed and hibernated for a while, and that's totally okay. Because there is a time for positivity, but there is also a time for me to recognize that my feelings will pass, and I just have to let myself feel them. So, I wrote this letter to myself, on this bad day. I wrote it so that I can read it when things get tough, and I can remember that each day, each hour, each minute, is a fresh start. Hopefully it can help one of you too:
Hey beautiful,
What's going on? It's been a tough day, eh? Okay. So today was not a good day. Not at all. You often write about positive things and ways to help others with self-care, but have you been taking care of yourself? That's what I thought.
Don't be so hard on yourself. We all make mistakes. We all have bad days. That's okay. Today, you woke up feeling great. You thought it would be a really good day. You sat with your best friend, studying, and enjoyed catching up with her. That was great! But when you got home, things got worse, didn't they?
Listen up, Ally. You always tell others to prioritize self-care, and that it isn't selfish. Isn't it time you listened to your own advice? It's okay that life got in the way these past few weeks, and that you got overwhelmed and confused. Sh*t happens, but you need to recognize this and move forward. Some days, you need to lie on the floor in a puddle of confusion and tears. Sometimes, you need to call home. Today, you needed to lean on people, and you needed to take a night off. And that's more than okay.
If anything, now that it's over, today was a gift. In a way. Because your bad days only serve to remind you how many good ones you now have. Remember that you are doing so much better than you give yourself credit for. So many people love you, and appreciate you. It's okay to be confused. Honestly, no one knows what they are doing. Keep being unapologetically, bravely, and passionately you. The rest will follow.
Ally
