Well, I certainly got a lot of practice handling the unexpected and being stuck inside this past week. With three snow days this week, and one last, Dal has sure had its fair share of wintery weather. The Maritimes are pretty ready for summer at this point if I do say so myself.
For any of you that know me in *real life* instead of just the internet world, namely Wear Your Label, you know that I like to have a plan. I like to know what my days are going to look like, and I will literally schedule each day to the half-hour. Class, meetings, literally even hanging out with friends. It's all written down, and I know exactly how long I can be in any given place. Some days, I am literally gone from 9:00am to 8:00pm. That's not me trying to glamourize overcommitment... I usually don't even notice how much I've signed up for until the day begins. I don't know if I'd say I like it, but it's what makes me feel most comfortable. Every night before bed, I write down a list of what I need to do the next day. Putting things down on paper means I can let those thoughts leave my head without fear of forgetting them. It helps me to do something other than dwell on my busy schedule. So, when a snow day comes around, it can be really, really hard for me. In a way, it validates what a lack of control I have over my life, and that's honestly terrifying, because I need to feel like I am in control of at least one aspect of my life. Being a 20-year-old living 1800km away from home, studying a degree program that is so practical and group-work based, it's pretty hard to feel in control of anything. Looking for a house, trying to feed myself, figuring out jobs and grad school and *life* is confusing as anything. So, in a weird way, controlling my daily schedule and what I eat are the two things that make me feel grounded when I'm super confused.
Add a snow day in there, and it's pretty much a recipe for a panic attack. Add in 3 more... well, now we're playing with fire. Thankfully, I have some really understanding friends and professors, who constantly look out for my best interests. I have a paper due using archival research, and it seems like every time I plan to go to the archives, the school is closed. My professor, thankfully, recognizes this and has pushed back the paper. But that doesn't mean that I feel any less guilty for not being able to do it *on time* (check a couple of blog posts back for more about how time and I aren't really the best of friends).
So, instead of just sitting all anxious-like in my bed, pulling out my own hair, these are the things that have helped me stay (relatively) calm these past few snow days:
1) Remind myself that literally every other Halifax student is going through this. There is no need to feel guilty for not being in class or finishing that assignment, because the city is shut down. No one is going to blame me for sitting with that hot chocolate and watching that movie before starting my paper.
2) Getting outside. THIS. When I am overwhelmed, I instinctively want to hibernate in my bed and hide from the world. But, getting outside does wonders for me. This morning, all I could do after I read the school closure text message was sit there, staring at my wall, trying to breathe. I did this for 40 minutes. But, I realized that worrying wouldn't make the school magically open. I decided to put on my boots and winter jacket, message a friend to see if she was up for a walk, and head out and face the day. Two and a half hours later, my mind was much clearer and I felt so much better.
3) Treating myself. On particularly stressful days, something as simple as my favourite cup of tea, a face mask, writing a letter to a friend, or even writing a blog post, can do wonders for me. It's such a good way to release some negative energy and just *be*.
4) Play my favourite calming music. Music is so powerful. As a theatre student, I learn about its importance and influence all the time. What probably helps me most when I'm anxious is putting in some headphones and disconnecting from reality for a little while.
5) Reminding myself that I am allowed to enjoy the free vacation day. I can leave the re-scheduling to the professors, and university staff. All I need to concern myself with on these days is catching up on laundry, feeding myself well and resting, maybe catching up on those readings I've fallen behind on, and making sure my residents are safe and okay. It's not my job to fix all of the Maritimes. I'm allowed to take a break.
If you are anything like me, and also get anxious when plans change, try to remember that you can't control what happens in the world. But you can control how you react to it. It is so much easier said than done, but try to get some extra self-care in on these days, and take time to breathe. Use them as a day to practice letting go of some of that control. And no matter what, I'm proud of you.
Ally
