I haven't written a blog post in a while, which is weird for me. Writing helps me think, and helps me figure out what I'm feeling, and what I need. For the past few weeks, though, I haven't been writing as much. I've been busy, but I've also experienced so much self-growth even over the past month and a half, that I haven't really felt like sitting down and writing. I wanted to live in the "now". Then I realized that if I'm writing for me, there doesn't have to be any specific point to what I have to say. So, I don't know what words are going to come flying off my keyboard, but it definitely feels good to create.
For those of you who don't know, I'm taking summer classes (Statistics and Physiology - the dream). The thing is... I am actually liking them a lot more than I thought I would. This semester is super different from what I'm used to with my theatre degree - less creative, and more numbers and facts, but equally as valuable. To be honest, I was a bit worried about taking these courses, since, as I've written before, numbers are hard for me sometimes. I was worried about the black-and-white thinking that often comes with more scientific classes, and I was worried about falling into the GPA/self-worth/perfectionism loop yet again.
I have to say, though... studying physiology has been amazing for my mental health. I like to understand why things happen, and learning more about my body makes me appreciate it so much more. I'm starting to love it more every single day, and I can honestly say that I've never cared more for my body and mind than I do right now. Over the past few weeks, I have also been super fortunate to speak with some incredible people, each with unique perspectives. I've given 6 Jack Talks since the summer started, and I can't wait to learn some more as I continue to meet my co-speakers and connect with the Nova Scotian mental health advocate community. I've spoken with people who have made me think about myself, and my own body, in a different way. One specific conversation comes to mind: one of my friends was talking to me the other day about how we take something as simple as breathing for granted. I am so lucky to have lungs that fill with air without me having to work for it; I'm grateful to have legs that move, run, skip, and hold me up into the more challenging yoga poses I'm trying to master (still a work in progress ;) ). Since this conversation, I've taken at least 15 minutes every day to sit and just feel my breath going through my lungs, and expanding my diaphragm. If I'm in pain, if my muscles are sore, or if I'm just feeling tired, instead of trying to change these feelings right away, I try to really focus on them and think about what it feels like, and why it's there. This might sound strange, but it's really helped me become more comfortable with myself (if my psychologist is reading this... yeah you were right, mindfulness is actually pretty great).
A couple of weeks ago, I spent most of a full week alone. My roommate was travelling, and I was super nervous to be on my own, since anyone who knows me a) knows that I love to talk, and b) knows that I have never really spent that much time alone. While, yes, it was strange, and I was so happy to have my roommate back (my house was super quiet without her and not nearly as fun), I learned a lot that week. I made lists. Lists of things that I want to get out of the next year. I started experimenting with different hobbies to see what might bring me joy this summer, or at least give me a break from classes and work stress. I signed up for a new yoga studio (RIP Breathing Space :( ), and started forcing myself to take time off from school. I'm a huge all-or-nothing person, and when I commit to something, I go all in. Yet, sometimes, despite getting good results from hard work, I tend to measure my self-worth off of whatever I'm focused on that week. For the longest time, this was school. I'd feel guilty for not studying, so I'd do it all the time. Most of the time I spent studying, though, I wasn't actually learning because I wasn't in the right headspace. All I was doing was tiring myself out, and losing touch with my body and mind, and what they need.
So long story short, things are great right now. My mom and sister came to visit for the weekend, which was amazing, I'm able to enjoy the weather and nourish my body, mind, and soul, and I'm honestly so excited to wake up every day and learn more about myself. I don't know where I'll be in 3 months, 6 months, a year... but I'm okay with that. Because the "now" is looking pretty good, and I'm excited to see what I can accomplish. I'm not afraid of the future anymore, because I know that I will be just fine, and I have so much new-found trust in myself. That being said, I'm looking for new things to create, or collaborations to start! If anyone has any initiatives they are starting, conversations they want to have, or want to bounce ideas off of someone, hit me up because connecting with people is so amazing and I just want to learn all the things! Remember to take care of yourselves,
A
