Routines: the Good, the Bad, the Confusing

Have you ever walked into a lecture hall and noticed someone sitting in “your” spot? The spot that you’ve been sitting in every class for the past 3 months? Me too. Do you ever find yourself caught off guard when you invite someone over for dinner and they sit in your usual place? When there’s a longer-than-normal line at your local Starbucks, or an unexpected delay in your commute to work? I’m sure many others are right there with you.

I don’t think any of us can ignore the reality that there is comfort in routine. Humans are creatures of habit. In some ways, it’s great. It’s how you build your life. It’s how you set aside time for the things you care about. It’s how you prioritize. It’s almost like when you’re lost in thought on your way home, and you were zoned out the whole drive home, realizing when you pull into the driveway what if something had happened while I was daydreaming? You’ve become so used to your routine that you’re pretty much on autopilot.

All in all, routine can be great. Routine is absolutely essential for me in managing my mental health. I’ve figured out what works for me, and I know that getting to bed/waking up around the same time each day, fueling my body every 2-3 hours, and getting to work around the same time each day is important in helping manage my mental illness. I even schedule in self-care time, because that’s what works for me. I’ll make sure I have at least a few hours per week with nothing planned, for me to fill with whatever I need to “recharge my introvert battery”. Most days, I find comfort in listening to a podcast or reading a book on my 45-minute commute to and from work, especially since there’s no cell service on the subway… it literally forces me to disconnect for an hour and a half each day, guilt-free. I understand that I am more susceptible to being overwhelmed than many others, and that a late night downtown, for me, just isn’t worth the anxiety and general “blah” feeling that I’ll experience for the next few days. I know that some days I can’t push myself, and that that’s okay. Routine has helped me recover.

That being said, routine can also be limiting. Routine can start taking the excitement out of things you previously enjoyed, and it can make your self-care less beneficial. I think there’s something to be said for getting out of our routines. For taking the scenic route home, reading a new book that a friend suggested, going for a bike ride instead of the swim you normally do, or waking up early one morning to watch the sunrise. Sometimes, these shifts in routine (within your personal limitations) can be amazing energizers. Sometimes they remind you how it feels to be alive, and give you a fresh perspective. Sometimes, there’s a fine line between routine and conformity/uniformity, which can be limiting instead of freeing.

I’ve learned the benefits of breaking out of your routine just this summer, actually. I have started to say “yes” to things on a whim, because it sounds fun. I’ve decided to try things that I never have before (like yoga on the beach, spontaneous creative days, kayaking down the river I played by my whole childhood, calling a friend just because I miss them, or listening to a podcast that pushes me out of my comfort zone). I got so comfortable with the people who were already in my life, and it was really easy to convince myself that I didn’t need to meet new people. After all, with new people comes uncertainty, and uncertainty is scary AF. Recently, I’ve said “yes” to events that have more people, to spontaneous meet-ups with friends-of-friends and have even introduced myself to new people (which might sound like nothing to the general population, but that sh*t’s hard man). All of these things have helped me learn more about myself, who I want to be, and what makes me happy.

A few months ago, one of my friends was speaking at an event in Charlottetown, Prince Edward Island. I had never been to PEI before, although I had always wanted to go. He sent a few of us a message the night before he left, asking if anyone was up for making the drive – oh yeah, and we’d be leaving at 4am. Reading this message at midnight, almost every part of me was thinking of the reasons why I shouldn’t go. Everything that could go wrong. But, a little part of me thought why not?! So, 4 hours later, I was dozing (okay, sleeping… but the sun wasn’t even up yet okay!!) in the back seat of a rental car, on my way to PEI. And I had the best time. I spontaneously ended up in 3 provinces in one day (Nova Scotia, New Brunswick, and PEI), and that’s pretty great. I ended up being able to meet my lovely friend (and UPEI student) Teagan in person for the first time after meeting through Wear Your Label months earlier, and got to connect with some really cool people. I got to hear my friend speak about something he’s super passionate about, and it made me very excited to start doing talks of my own. This on-a-whim decision to go to PEI paved the way for other small, unplanned decisions that have made my summer one for the books, and one where I’m truly happy.

These days, I think a lot about what I’m going to do after I graduate university, seeing as that’s only 9 months away (terrifying). I know I want to travel, or volunteer overseas. I know I want to do something that fuels my creativity. Something that makes me feel alive, that makes me feel all the things and want to write poems because I never want to forget what I’m experiencing. I know that I want to take time to just be young, without worrying about my job, my classes, or maintaining that scholarship. I don’t want to worry… I want to live. I was wondering who I could travel with, and I do have several awesome friends who would be up for it, but since I am picturing some long-term travelling (a few months at least), I was trying to think of all of my options, since most people in my life don’t just want to pick up and leave home for months without an agenda. Solo travel is something I never thought I would be comfortable with. I honestly didn’t think travel, period, was something I could do anymore. I thought that my anxiety would hold me back from doing all of these things, because it can get super overwhelming to even leave my house on some days. Sometimes, showering is a win. When I’m home, it’s easy to forget I have anxiety, but when I’m out in *the world* it can get unbearably noticeable. In fact, about 6 months ago, I told my psychologist "I think my anxiety has gone away", and she said "yeah, Ally, of course you aren't anxious while sitting in your bed". Well played, Susan. Well played. Solo travel seems like the perfect mix of challenging myself and my anxiety, and also feeding the introverted part of my soul. Will I be travelling alone for weeks on end? Likely not. But I would like to spent at least a week travelling on my own, to see what happens. Why not, right?

The more I think about the future, the more I think about the routines that I might form. As I have gained more experience in the working world, I’ve realized that I don’t necessarily thrive off of routine the way I thought I did. I l like having expectations and guidelines, sure. But if things get too repetitive, I tend to lose interest. I’ve been trying to think about how to build a life for myself where I can have the best of both worlds – where I can have some routine, but also make sure that I’m consistently getting out of my comfort zone.

It’s easy to hide behind routine. It’s easy to get comfortable in the day-to-day of our lives and not look for anything else. But if there’s anything I’ve learned, it’s that the more curious you are, the more you ask questions, and the more you challenge the status quo, the more you’ll grow as a person. And couldn’t we all use a little bit more of self-growth?

- Ally