Well, 2018 is officially here, friends! 2017 was… a lot. There were many highs, plenty of lows, and lots of uneventful days spend underneath my blankets. I learned a lot about myself, and I can honestly say that I finally ended off the year content with everyone in my life, and content with myself. I may not know what my future holds, but I’ve never been so certain of anything as I am in the idea that good things are on the way, even if they don’t follow a 5-year plan.
Change isn’t always a bad thing. Sometimes, things that you hadn’t planned on can be the most incredible adventures. Take opportunities as they come, and say no to things when you aren’t feeling them, or just need some time at home (sometimes you can tell FOMO to GTFO and marathon friends with a heated blanket).
There’s no such thing as “perfect”. Not in work, not in friends, not in life. Strive for progress, not perfection. If we were perfect, this life would be a whole lot less interesting. Since we aren’t perfect, we make mistakes. Own them, give/accept apologies, and learn from them.
We could all use a little help sometimes.You don’t need to hit rock bottom before asking for someone’s support. Whether you had a fight with a friend that you want to talk through, you’re stressed about your midterm next week, or you spilled spaghetti sauce on your favourite blanket (it happens to the best of us…), it’s okay to talk about it.
Family (biological and/or chosen) is what grounds you. Jobs, grades, seasons… they come and go. Through the highs and lows of life, family is there for you. They can be a great *reset* and actually “get it” more than you think. I am fortunate enough to have a loving and supportive biological family, but I recognize not everyone does. That’s why I believe family can be the one you choose – the friends and loved ones who form your chosen family can ground you too.
There is no “good” or “bad” food. Dessert isn’t a bad thing. Feeling guilty for eating a brownie is not worth it. No matter what society might have you believe (especially around the new year) a bag of chips doesn’t make you a horrible person and won’t make you gain 10 pounds in 10 minutes, just like kale and celery don’t make you saintly. There is room for all foods in your diet – the only requirements are that 1) you actually like the food 2) you’re getting the nutrients you need 3) you are responding to your body’s hunger cues.
It’s impossible to find “accurate” health information online. It’s so influenced by diet and weight-loss culture, and hidden behind weight loss messages. If you want accurate information as to what a healthy diet (I don’t mean weight loss here, rather diet to refer to the foods you eat in your day-to-day life), speak to a nutritionist or dietician. Looking for realistic and healthy fitness goals? Talk to a personal trainer, a fitness coach, a physiotherapist. Consult a doctor. WebMD, health magazines, and Oprah don’t have all the answers.
Any size is a good size! I’ve spent too much time worrying about needing to buy a larger size of jeans and for what? This size doesn’t measure the kindness in my heart, how much my friends love me, or the great conversation I had over coffee last week. Plus, sizes vary so much from brand to brand, clothing line to clothing line. Sizes in my closet literally range from XS to XL, 0 to 10. And I’m ONE person! I’m tired of choosing one brand over another just because the number on the tag is smaller. I know I benefit from thin privilege, and can usually find my size in a store. I know I have a mostly socially-acceptable body, but I’ve still had a hard time with it, and that’s okay – I’m learning.
People will surprise you. People’s stories are so interesting, and you can learn so much just by taking the time to listen to someone else.
It’s okay not to drink. No matter who pressures you, who asks intrusive questions, or makes you feel bad about it. It’s okay to drink (responsibly) if you like it, but it’s also okay to say no. You can go out to a bar with friends without consuming alcohol, and that’s totally okay – you do you, friend. Personally, alcohol doesn’t make me feel good, so nine times out of ten, I won’t have a drink. Doesn’t mean I don’t like ya, I’m just doin me :)
New friendships are everywhere. I have made some of my closest friends in the strangest of places. In the waiting room at the doctor’s office, in academic meetings, at yoga class, and on my friend’s front porch. I have met the most amazing people in places I never would have expected, and I’m so grateful.
Art fuels me. I’ve recently realized that I need art. I need creativity. Without writing, without poetry, without theatre, without creating something out of nothing, I don’t feel whole. I’ve started to be okay with creating just for me, and I’ve realized that people not liking my work doesn’t mean they don’t like me. Everything is a work in progress and I can’t compare my draft 1 with someone else’s draft 30.
Taking breaks and quitting are not the same thing. TAKING BREAKS AND QUITTING ARE NOT THE SAME THING. You are allowed to take a step back from something you love, even if that scares you. If you want to take time to explore something else, or if you just can’t have another commitment on the go, it doesn’t mean that this opportunity will be gone. Take some time, and come back to it later.
There are always opportunities. Even if it doesn’t feel like it. Look a little deeper.
You can’t live for anyone else. At the end of the day, your life is YOUR life. If your decisions aren’t making you happy, nothing is worth it.
Sometimes people leave your life for no reason. That’s okay. It doesn’t mean anything bad happened, it doesn’t mean these people don’t care about you. It doesn’t mean you didn’t learn something from their friendship.
Social media is what you make of it. Follow the accounts that make you feel good and block/unfollow ones that don’t (this includes me). You curate the media you consume, and surrounding yourself with toxic media messages can be just as damaging as surrounding yourself with toxic people IRL.
It’s okay to talk about your mistakes. When you’re trying to figure out your place in the world, it can be really hard to admit that something didn’t work out, or that you aren’t enjoying something. Mistakes happen, and they don’t make you a failure. When family and friends ask about your life, it’s okay not to sugar-coat it. They’ll understand because I guarantee they’ve been there too.
When speaking in a foreign language, you’re going to make mistakes. People won’t judge you for it (if they do, they’re ignorant). It’s flat-out impressive that you’re speaking another language in the first place. So what if you accidentally add an “s” to something, or you use “tu” instead of “vous”. You’re learning, and that means embracing mistakes and improving upon them. Fun fact: when giving a French Jack Talk last semester, I said “raven injury” instead of “brain injury” (you tell me that “corbeau” and “cerveau” don’t sound slightly similar!). We laughed about it, I won’t make that mistake again, and now I have a funny story!
Making mistakes does not make you stupid – it makes you human. Enough said.
Be honest with your mentors, and great things can happen. They’ve probably been in your shoes. They know you aren’t perfect. It’s okay to ask for their support.
Adulting is fun 10% of the time and stressful the other 90%. No curfew? Awesome. Having to pay rent/internet/groceries/LIFE… not so much. Figuring out your future and not wanting to admit that you spend 99% of the time having to remind yourself that you’re not a child is hard, y’all.
Nobody really knows what they are doing. You’re doing just fine.
I’m ignorant. I’m not afraid to admit it. I know that I need to expand my understanding of other communities, cultures, and ideas. I’m working on it. If I make a mistake, I’m sorry. Please help me learn about how I can make the world more inclusive for you.
We’ve still got a lot of work to do. I love Canada, but we have a long way to go before we are inclusive and accepting of all cultures. But I do believe we can get there.
Scars are beautiful. I don’t mean you have to love every part of you. But personally, I’ve started to look at my body as a canvas. I think there’s something innately beautiful about the fact that my scars tell my story. That I can look at my hand and remember the time I was carving pumpkins with my family and got a little too excited about the pumpkin’s mouth. The time I cut my foot on a desk chair, was trying to be quiet and not wake my siblings up, and got my mom to come to me by using my dog as a proxy. The time I was playing Dutch Blitz and hit my ribs on the table (sorry not sorry – I won ;)). At the end of the day, our bodies are imperfect and the bumps and bruises we pick up along the way are part of our stories.
